So...here I sit...about a full year later...only 15 pounds closer to my goal than on day 58. SIGH. I'm not sure what is getting in the way, but I know it is all in my head.
Let me recap the past 10 months...
By February 10, 2012, after 4 months of WW, I had reached my 10% weight loss goal. I had lost 26 pounds with very mild exercise (16 sessions of the 8 week boot camp I joined) and staying on plan with WW. Between February 10th and May 11th (3 months) I was at the EXACT same amount of weight loss. I had slight fluctuations up a little and down a little. That was motivation for me to buckle down. Eventually I reached my next 5lb weight loss and was down in the 220's for the first time since I can remember. Unfortunately, that didn't hold. Despite my FB post receiving over 70 "likes", I reverted to old habits. I feel like I let everyone who supported me down, not to mention myself. I have been on a steady decline, gaining back 15 of the 30 I had lost. I haven't been to meetings in two weeks. I realize I eat horribly and it shows in the numbers and in my esteem. The positive was that I started playing basketball a lot more. Some weeks it was up to 4 days, but usually it's 2 or 3. My knee isn't as invested in playing as my heart is, but the discomfort was worth the hours of feeling great.
Fifteen pounds later, I've decided it is time to revamp my strategy....or just plain have one...so I came back to what I once relied on for motivation: my thoughts and feelings from before. I was going to delete everything and start fresh, but I guess that defeats the purpose of having an archive of . It's just really hard to come back to this with little to no progress. Hopefully it'll snap me back to the right track.
I changed my picture to one that reads "If you're tired of starting over, STOP QUITTING!" So, hopefully this will sink in if I look at it daily. I have to set some goals...come up with a plan. Right now, exercise is mild, with as much basketball as my knee can tolerate (so long as we can withstand this heat wave). So, I'd like to focus on my eating habits. I must admit, it is extremely difficult when I am out of work. I have no schedule, no routine. I eat what I want when I feel like it. That is no strategy for successful weight loss...but I thoroughly enjoy food :-/ Food and I have had somewhat of a mutually abusive relationship. I abuse food, and then allow it to abuse my body. I KNOW what I should and shouldn't eat. I have an idea of how much I should eat...I just choose no to acknowledge what I know. I think sometimes I get mad that I have to even think about it. Why does my body react to food that way? Will I have to count points for the rest of my life?!? Why can't I just make better choices?! And the answer to all of my questions is: I don't know. I don't know why food affects me the way it does, holding on to every calorie and oz of fat. I don't know if I'll have to count points, or if I can wrap my head around better and effective food choices. And I really don't know why I don't do better if I know better. Corey said I am either afraid to fail, or afraid to succeed. I think she is right. I just don't know which it is. I do WANT to eat better and workout. I have exercise equipment, videos, tip and hints at fingertips, yet I remain at the front line of this battle. Something has got to give. Ah well, this is all for now. I hope to come up with a strategy ASAP, but for now I just wanted to put my feelings, and (lack of) progress out there. Maybe somethings life-altering will come of it.
